i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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