we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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