u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
