I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
