Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
