My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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