new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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