Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How external is "for external use only"?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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