Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
