My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
