Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
