I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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