my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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