I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
