Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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