I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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