It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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