i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
