You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
