I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
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Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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