So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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