Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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