Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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