Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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