she peed on how many people?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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