WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
