I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize