I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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