yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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