You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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