Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
