just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
