Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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