she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize