Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
