Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
