Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
