please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize