apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
