home. puking in laundry basket.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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