it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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