saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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