I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
