I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
