The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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