Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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