Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.