i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
