It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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