In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think your dad took our porno
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
