I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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