chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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