You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
