i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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