He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
