Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
