Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
