My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
